... Walking helps me think. Walking helps me clear my head. It doesn't matter where I am going or how fast or slow I'm moving, but the physicality of moving my legs goes a long way toward the mentalness (is that even a word?) of cleaning out my head.

I did nothing this weekend. No. Thing. Well, that's not entirely true. I went and saw Cast Away right after work on friday with Roomie#2 and J. Amazing flick. Really, it was. One of those pics that I like because a.) I'm still thinking about it three days after the fact, and b.) it didn't give you a gift-wrapped ending - you have to do a little mental work to get whatever it is you take away from the movie. R#2 and J. didn't like it. They wonder why I did. I can't help but smile at that.

But other than that, not a whole helluva lot went on. OK, again - not entirely true. Alot was going on, I just chose not to participate. I think I initially rationalized my choice to be all hermity by telling myself I was just saving money and energy for the Alumni event next weekend.

But I don't think that was it. I think I was starting to realize just how deep the rut I'm in is and that realization was depressing. Depression saps my energy and makes me do stupid things - like stay inside all weekend.

So this is why I spent 2 hours yesterday just walking. Mount Vernon, Belvedere, Downtown, I covered it all. My head is slighty more clear now. I found a few mental ladders to help me climb out of the rut. Also I learned that I'm gonna have to get a huuuuuuge raise to afford all the run-down-but-absolutley-beautiful real estate I want to buy in Baltimore.

I need variety in my life. I need the influences of new friends. I need the mental stretching of a good debate, I need to laugh louder, I need to light up rooms like I once could. I just haven't (yet) figured out how to do all this.

But most of all, I need HER. She who I haven't written about. She who I don't think I will write about because I am foolishly superstitious. She who knows me better that anyone should. She who is my perfect compliment. She who is.

So I wait. Wait and hang on and continue the ride. I find myself hoping and praying and handing my life over to that faith which cannot be defined in terms of any religion.

'Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide will bring in.'

'till then,

Mike (who, incidentally, is not as depressed as he just made himself out to be)