2001-03-14
03:33:05

He wonders how to reconcile these feelings.

"You broke up three years ago," He tells himself. "She's married, for the love of God!" "How pathetic are you?" "Let her go." "Move ON!"

It doesn't work. It never does.

There have been women since her. There have even been girlfriends. There have certainly been happy times. But, if given the opportunity, in no way would he turn back the clock to lay beside her once more. In some ways he learned who he was - or rather - who he was striving to be while laying there in the dark, holding her, listening to her sleep, wondering what the future would hold.

But still he would not travel back there. Going back would be denying who he is, who he has become. She helped him grow. He would like to think that he did the same for her.

And now she is another man's wife. And for some reason he can't let that go.

He kicks himself. He realizes his facade of togetherness is often shaky. He had thought she was behind him. He realizes now that part of her is always - will always be - beside him.

And he is sad. Not for what was, but rather (in other circumstances) what could have been.
And, finally, he realizes that being sad is ok. She was his first taste of love. And while it was not a perfect love, not a complete love, it did and does and forever will define what he strives for, in a very private way.

He understands.

He smiles and moves on.


downtown----uptown
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