Now I just feel like an ass.

I didn't get the job. The one in Richmond. The one that would help me gather some new perspectives. That job. I didn't get it.

Why not? That seems to be the question of the night. Everyone wants to know. "Why not Mike? We thought you'd be perfect for the job." Well thanks. Thanks for that little fucking ray of sunshine into this already cheery day. I don't know why I didn't get it. I was so shocked/hurt/embarassed when the recruiter told me that all I wanted to do was get off the phone. I'll call in a day or two. Try to find out what it is that kept me from gainful employment with them. But for now, I'll wait. Calling tomorrow just strikes me as a little too similar to the geeky kid yelling, pleading down the hallway "Why? Why won't you go to the prom with me." I have my pride to think about here.

Mom tells me that this is actually an opportunity. (How do they *do* that?) That since I didn't need the job, I can find out what I need to improve on in order to ace whatever the next interview is. Riiiight. Good advice for sure (Mom's got a way with that) but I really just want to hear that the company sucks, they don't know what they're missing, you're better off without them, and oh yeah; let me buy you a beer. (god bless ya roomie#2...he did just that) Even roomie#1 -who is normally self centered (not really in a bad way, just really focused on his life) gave me some nice words of support. I was surprised.

So where the hell do I go from here? I still want out of my current job. Or rather, I want out from under my boss. I'd stay with the company if I could find the right team, the right boss.

Where the hell do I go from here? I have no idea. I guess I'll stay in Baltimore for the time being. Not a bad thing...I love this town. Some cool people already live in the area, and other cool people are on their way back. Baltimore, mis amigos y amigas is where it's at.

I'm just bummed. Bummed and dejected. And redundant, apparently.

I was so optimistic, I started telling my friends that I was probably leaving. I was pretty sure the job would happen, they could all come visit me in Richmond. Now I get to explain that I put the cart waaay before the horse.

I feel like a jackass.

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...and oh yeah, I'm gonna stop blogging for a while. I'm silly and superstitious, ok. 1st real day of blogging=car wreck. 2nd real day of blogging=new job denial. You do the math.

No blog for me. (for a while anyway)