2001-09-01
5:31 p.m.

Ever wanna log on and write something deep and meaningful and funny at the same time? But then whe you get the TextBoxOfDoom infront of you, the thoughts, let alone the words, just won't come. I know exactly what you mean. (Gawd, you are so insightful. And good looking. No wait - that's me.)


You know what sucks ass?

...Well, yes, the diminishing quality of American-made consumer goods does, in fact, suck some moderate amounts of ass, but that's not exactly where I was going with this.

What sucks ass is when all your friends leave town for the weekend and all you're left with are a.) the lesbian who'd be cool if only she didn't feel the need to 'sell you' on the fact that homosexuality is socially acceptable. (Dude, I'm sold. Preachin' to the choir you are. Save it for the Christian Coalition.) or b.) the 23 year old guy who wants to cruise the bowling alley and the mall for high school chicks. (It's called jail, mon ami. I don't wanna go there. Besides, the word 'ohmygaaaawwwd' more or less shrivels my brain.)

So, yeah, that sucks. Lousy-assed friends of mine. Who are they to leave town? They should be here and miserable just like me.


You know what else sucks ass? Something you think'll be cool only to find out it sucks ass about five hours into it?

No, not a heroin overdose.

Driving 3 hours to Virginia and back just for the hell of it. stepDad had a meeting over some property he owns down there and Mom and g'Ma and I decided to ride along. And what a ride it was. I should have realized it was doomed from the start when I didn't get my Roy Rodgers breakfast as promised. The ride itself was ok. The scenery was nice and I took another big ol' chunk out of my current Harry Potter book. (Azkaban. It kicks so much muggle ass.) But g'Ma was trying to bait me into a conversation on how the Harry Potter books are evil, or at the very least insidious, because they're about witches and warlocks and, well, that's just not Christian. I humored her for a while, likening it to the Brothers Grimm, or even the Wizard of Oz, but she was on her high horse. When she realized that she wasn't going to get me on that, she just turned back to the whole "It was all so much better in my day and today just can't compare." line of conversation. But by the time I figured out how to throw myself out the window without anyone noticing, we were there.

The meeting lasted all of 25 minutes and then it was off to lunch and then home. Lunch was good. I got a burger and some vegetable crab soup. Well, crab in the sense that maybe the cook waved a crab somewhere near the vegetable soup. I saw lots of corn and carrots and such, but no crab. Lousy crab-hoarding sonsabitches.

I napped most of the way home and now, well, here I am.

Lucky. Friggin. Me.

Mom wants to take a long walk tonight, so maybe I'll haul her Oprah-watching ass down to the C&O canal towpath so we have some pretty scenery to walk through.

Or maybe I'll read some Harry Potter.



....I just wanna say "ass" one more time.

Ass.

(hee hee hee)


downtown----uptown
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