2001-09-14 3:57 p.m. I cried at lunch today. I know I've said before that the events of Tuesday had made my cry, but they really didn't. I've gotten a little teary over the past few days, but nothing approaching real weeping. I'm a tough little trooper, see, and real men don't cry. I cried at lunch today. I was alone, as I am most days. I drove over to my little hiding place so I could listen to the National Prayer Service and have my own personal moment of silence. I listened to the cold words of comfort from national religious leaders. I listened to the President. Tried to imagine what it would be like to be him right now. I do not envy you, sir. Then I switched over to Don and Mike and listened to the voices of Americans just like me. One man didn't know how to explain things to his ten year old son. One woman was close to tears over the Jerry Falwell comments. One girl my age worried about war. One elderly man worried about terroristic reprisals. The image of the buildings coming down would not leave my head. The image of firefighters raising the US flag in their own personal Iwo Jima floated through my thougts. The memory of my first words after I had heard that the WTC had collapsed: "Things will never be the same." My eyes teared. 'America the Beautiful' came on the radio. A passenger jet took off from BWI. I started to sob. News reports of people walking around lower Manhattan in a daze. No words, just pictures of the loved and lost taped to their chests. My sobbing would not stop. I thought of the CEO whose 700 employee office is entirely unaccounted for. I thought of our President, ostensibly the most powerful man in the world, visibly shaken after visiting the Pentagon. And I began to cry. Slowly at first, but building as the moments went on. Finally able to hold it back no more, my body spasmed with grief. I don't remember ever losing control like that. Back at the office, a quiet moment waiting for the elevator. The security guard approached and, almost whispering, said, "Mike, you've been crying." I gave him a defiant "Yes". "It's ok," he said, "Me too." I guess the security guard and I are not real men. I don't give a damn. downtown----uptown leave me a note, fool!

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