2002-05-10 3:11 p.m. In what I'm sure is the shock of the afternoon, I am bored at work. I was going to write something serious and heavy, but I don't really feel serious and heavy right now. So instead, strictly of my own accord, I will tell you all how cool Mocksie is. (In painful detail.) I'd like to tell you all that Mocksie was born cool, but that is simply not true. Nobody is born cool. If it were, we would have no idea what "cool" was and the truly extarordinary would simply be lumped in with the everyday, average cool. No, Mocksie was not born with her current coolness. It has been developed, over time, with an excess of skill and just a little bit of luck. In a sense, this makes her coolness that much more impressive. If she had just woken up one day and learned that the Cool Fairy ('cause let's face it - there *is* a cool fairy) had left her a little something under her pillow, that would have been one thing. Instead, Mockie has cultivated her coolness over time making her one of the most-loved and often-imitated people of modern time. How does her coolness manifest itself? On many, many levels. It almost goes without saying that she is a virtual pop-culture consultant. Those budweiser lizards from a few years ago? Her idea. Red bull and vodka? Invented by her by mistake. (even her mishaps are cool!) Survivor and The Amazing Race? Outlined by her while talking in her sleep. In fact, even the physical enviroment is effected by Mocksie. She is so cool, everything else feels oddly warm. Ever crack a sweat for no reason at all? That's the Mocksie Effect. The only downside to her coolness is what can happen when one thinks that they cannot live up to Mocksie's level of coolosity. Rumor has it that, after a particularly bad show, the group O Town threatened mass suicide when a fan compared them infavorably to Mocksie. So, to sum up, Mocksie: Cool. Everyone else: pale comparison. .....normally I would only do this kind of entry when there's a specific bribe involved. But Mocksie is my friend and I wanted to make her laugh and, well, she's just........cool. downtown----uptown leave me a note, fool!

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