2002-05-14 9:19 a.m. Man, I'm a bitch, you know that? I am a world class bitch. Don't get to know me. You wouldn't like me. Why? Bitch. See I get angry alot. Angry at people I don't know. Angry at situations I can't control. Angry at the world around me. And I'm not talking about rolling my eyes and being momentarily exasperated. I'm talking about bad moods that can last for hours. I get frustrated at my friends and my family for small things. Stupid things. Things that should never matter. I walk around grumbling to myself. I'm an angry eighty year old man and I'm only 25. But, i think I may be starting to figure things out. That's the good news. See, I hold myself to a high standard. A very high standard. It influences the way I interact with people, with my thoughts, with my actions. I try to conduct myself in a manner that's beyond reproach. I'm not always successful. Puhleeze. In fact, more often than not I fail miserably. But I try. And I think that's one of the most important things you can do in life. Is try. Somewhere along the way though, I decided that everyone should be trying to live up to the standards I've set for myself. And, of course they couldn't. How could they even know what said standards were? But, as stupid as it sounds, that's why I've been so angry. Here's how it works in my head: I bust my ass every goddam day to try to be just a little, well, better than the average shmuck. Why can't everyone work as hard as I do at that. It's not that difficult. Why can't they see what I see? I'm filled with RAAAAGE! Ok, maybe the "filled with rage" part isn't entirely accurate. That is, however, where I think my anger has been coming from. I get angry at my family, friends, and the general populous for not trying as hard at being...i dunno, civilized... as I do. See how fucked up that is? Me too. And now that I realize that I cannot (and really, should not) apply what works for me to others, I have a feeling that I'll be alot les stressed. Less angry. And more like myself. downtown----uptown leave me a note, fool!

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