2002-07-02 4:43 p.m. Where's the bourbon or the headlong trip into a all when I'm looking for them? My head hurts and I have no idea why. Oh no wait; I do know why. I've been reading at work again. Specifically, I've been reading things written at work for people at work. And my company has nothing to do with writing, or publishing, or really reading for that matter. Peril abounds. Hence my headache. My company, in its finite wisdom, chartered a Diversity Department late last year. The department's mission is to "[develop] strategies that integrate diversity into all internal processes such as training, education, performance management, and succession planning." Fine, cool, rawk on with your bad self. Actually, I happen to think a focus on Diversity can be a tremendously valuable asset for an organization. Aside from its more obvious benefits, with diversity comes different viewpoints. With different viewpoints comes and increased chance of anticipating client needs. And with that, Joe Capitalist, comes more money. Moolah. I mean, hey, we're a business. We're here to make money, not save the world from barbarism. So, anyway, I'd be singing the praises of our Diversity Department from both a moral and a business perspective. That is, of course if they ever did anything. Ok, that's unfair. They probably do lots of stuff. Lots of strategy development, lots of process integration. I just never see it. To the citizens of AverageEmployeeville (Population: Me) the only outward proof that they don't spend the entire day playing Yahoo! Diamond Mine is their nifty lookin' website. I'd link to it, but it's on our intranet and even though you couldn't see it, you'd all know where I work and I just don't have enough time in the week for all the free lunches y'all would want to take me on. Cool? OK. Thier website (code name: Diversus) has educated me on various ethnic groups, religions, and holidays. It's all fascinating, really. If by "fascinating" you really mean "not mind-numbingly boring." There's a new topic every month. This month? Age diversity. This week, we're tackling Generation Y. Hang on; it's gonna be fun... "Gen Yers, as they are affectionately called, were born between 1979 and 1994. They began graduating from college in 1998 and are now entering the workforce in earnest. Keeping them happy is especially important because of their workplace potential and their large numbers. They are up for any challenge ("bring it on" may well be their motto) and have an astonishing amount of expertise in technology. Multi-tasking is second nature to them. They work well in team environments. "Affectionately called?" Awwww, the wittle GenY wascals are all weady to work. How-key-yoot. '79 to '94? Ummm, ok. Maybe. I'm pretty sure I'm considered a member of the tail end of GenX and I was born in 1977, so I guess '78 or '79 would work for the start of the next generation. And I ain't talkin' Star Trek either. (Coming here after googling for 'Trek'? Welcome!) But 1994? Somehow I can't lump people who used to watch He-Man in with the same people who are currently watching Sponge Bob Square Pants. I think the definition of this generation may be a little broad. And by "a little broad" I really mean...oh, you get the idea. And now we're starting to get to the meat and potatoes of what exactly caused my headache. GenY started to graduate from college in 1998? What? What math major crunched the numbers for that one? At best, that means an average graduation age of 19 and at worst it means that there were, in fact, some 4 year old college seniors. I mean, I know kids like to get an early start on all their drinkin' and whorin', but that seems a little extreme, no? Based on my thorough arithmatic analysis, if 1979 is year one for GenY, I'd peg their college graduations to start in 2001. But that's just a guess. In the next sentence we learn that keeping the GenY'ers happy is "especially" important because of some vague notion of "workplace potential." What does that mean? Do other generations lack workplace potential, whateverthatmaybe? If so, why are we still employed? And is keeping GenY happy more of a concern than keeping, say, me happy. I get the standard tile-and-formica bathroom and they get the gilded wonderland? Hmmm.... I think this article may just be fomenting a li'l resentment in yours truly. "[A]stonishing....expertise...in technology"? Yeeeee-hah, that GenY shur does know what a' do to that thur thinkin'-machine to make it spit out my aggregated spendin' reports. [soap box] "Bring it on"? Puh-leeeze. You know who had a bring-it-on attitude? America in the 1940's. [/soap box] The article goes on to list some frankly uninteresting statistics on the number of Boomers, GenX'ers and GenY'ers. It ends with this vaguely ominous gem, "And, since members of Generation Y significantly outnumber their older siblings of Generation X, it takes only simple math to figure out that there aren't going to be enough skilled 35 to 45-year-old managers to replace baby boomers in the coming years." Oh no! Whatever will we do? There just aren't going to be. enough. managers. I can't help but conjure the image of a building full of manager-less twentysomethings all acting like they're in highschool and the substitute teacher is AWOL. And I can't help but think; how exactly is that a bad thing? My point? Shock of the century here - I really don't have one. Just that my company amuses me and frustrates me all at the same time. In fact, they're pretty good at it. Oh, I also wanted to point out that apparently my company needs better writers. Or at least fact-checkers. If they don't have the time or energy to do it right, maybe they should hire someone new. Someone born between the years of 1979 and 1994, perhaps. downtown----uptown leave me a note, fool!

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