2002-07-10
10:51 a.m.

Well, will you look at that. The sun's out. But not really. I mean, there's one part of the omnipresent haze that's much brighter than the rest of the omnipresent haze, but that'll work for me.

It's the Canadian wild fires, they say. "'Dem fars is blowin' all thur soot'n'aysh down here t'bawlmer." Well, that's how my neighbor explained it to me anyway. It's weird too, because I've convinced myself that I can tell that they're not normal clouds. My li'l imagination works over time and wonders if this is what nuclear fallout would like. Maybe I have too much free time on my hands.

Actually, the haze from the fires is a welcome distraction. I can't really focus. Not here, not now. I'm learning that I'm not really built to take my job seriously in the summer time. Exactly how that makes me unique, I'm not sure - I know that everyone feels the same way. Winter, fine, no problem. I will gladly toil within these walls; for it is more comfortable within than without. But, man, the summer. I want to be out there doing something, doing everything, doing nothing at all.

As stupid and as backwards as it sounds, maybe I need some structure to make my summers more bearable. In what seems to be becoming a trend, my summer tends to be built around spontanaity. Random weekend trips to random places with random people. High fun factor but, by their very nature, low predictability factor. And, for me at least, when you're sitting at your desk for hours on end and the days and weeks seem to stretch out in front of you like some mindless, featureless, flourescently-lit hallway, you need some kind of milestone. Something to work towards. Right now, the only things I have for sure are a friend's wedding and the beach. Good times, but I need more. More to look forward to.

Sitting in here while the world passes out there doesn't seem quite right. Of course, maybe the world doesn't pass. Maybe it naps under a tree. But that's just the point. I'm in here. I don't know.

Eventually I'll leave these walls and I'll be happy. But for now I'm in here. And wondering when the sun will come out.


I blame it on the Canadian wildfires.


downtown----uptown
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