2002-08-26 10:29 a.m. So, here I am again. The vacation was great, but the vacation is also over, and now it's up to me to reintegrate myself with reality. I'm sure you'll forgive me if that sounds overly dramatic, but that's exactly what I have to do. You see, I get into my vacations. Really into them. To the point that I forget that there's an outside world and that I have this entire set of responsibilities known as "my job" that let me afford to take 10 days off in the middle of the summer. So, when the vacation ends and I come back to the real world, it's always been a little hard on me. I came home on Friday and was angry all day. Saturday and Sunday were spent in denial of Monday. And Monday? Well, today's the final part of Reality Reconnect Trifecta - depression. It's never fun, and sometimes it's ugly. And it happens every damn time. I don't know why I always surprise myself with it. This year though seems to be worse than most. Maybe they're all just really good actors - I don't know - but everyone in my family seems to really enjoy what they do. Grad schools, dream jobs, interesting challanges, eye-opening opportunities. They have it all. Me? I hate what I do. Moreover, I don't know what I could do that would make me happy to do it. I'm not that good at hiding it any more. They know I don't like my job. They wonder why I'm still here. And, damn me, I have no good answer for them. So, as silly as it sounds, that's why I get so attached to my vacations. For a week, I can pretend to do something else. Something I like. That's right; I wake up at 9 and sleep on the beach for a few hours. Then I stumble up to the boardwalk and eat cheesesteaks and fries for lunch. Then I swim for a few hours. Then I read bad paperbacks. Then I shower and eat crabs and drink beer. Then I play volleyball or football or ultimate frisbee. Then I watch movies. Yup, that's what I do for a living all right. If only. If only that were true. So I don't understand why I'm still at a job I hate. I don't understand how to find a new job. I wish I could change, but I don't know how. Tomorrow I'll smile; next week I'll once again be a good little employee. But for now I reserve the right to be childish. And to wish that I could be on vacation. All the time. downtown----uptown leave me a note, fool!

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