I've often wondered why we have so many emotions, yet so few words to describe them.

I am leaving Baltimore.

Kind of.

When the whole job-interview-in-Richmond thing was going on, I had high, *high* hopes and really didn't expect to not get the job. I told the roomies that I didn't expect to be here past July and if they needed to find a new roommate, I understood. Well, dear friends, the job fell through. Aaannd, the roomies actually did find a replacementMike. Hrrmf.

I fucked myself over.

Kind of.

But what did I expect... them to wait around for me and bend over backwards to accomdate me when my life didn't go as planed? Ok, that would have been nice; but in a normal, non-selfish world, that shit just doesn't happen. They found a newMe. I gotta deal.

Then I found out that Dad is in some really bad financial straits. I mean Really Freakin Bad. Lets just say it rhymes with 'Papter Shmeleven'. How does this effect me? Well, I feel sick to my stomach worrying about him, but other than that, there is a load of college debts that will default to me.

So suddenly, my needing to shell out cash for a place of my own conflicted with my need to stay in good standing with Uncle Sam for those four years of strict non-sobriety he paid for.

Oy Vey.

So I'm moving home. To Frederick. If any of you are familiar with Maryland, you can picture it yourself. For those who aren't, just think of me living an hour from work instead of 15 minutes. Maybe an hour twenty in traffic. Uuugh. But the rents don't charge rent. I'll be able to pay my growing debt and even start saving.

In the meantime, I can still see my friends on the lunch hour and on weekends and can even crash here in town if I wanna stay out late on a weeknight.

I really need to figure out who I wanna be, where I wanna be, and what I wanna be. Home may just give me the perspective I need.

I'm not happy about leaving Bal'mer, but I heard somewhere that "Being an adult is doing things you don't necessarily want to."

I'm here until June sometime. Then I'm gone.

But I'll be back.

***********************************

...and stay tuned. I have many more emotions to work through with Dad's crisis and me going home.

I'm sure there's lots to unfold....