2002-05-14 9:58 p.m. Great Green Jesus on a lifeboat! I can't believe that I forgot what I forgot to tell you idiots. Ok, now get ready. Are you sitting down? This is big news. Big big big. Ready? Ok - I have sent a personal message to none other than....wait for it.... Osama bin Laden. Thank you. Thankyouverymuch. Granted, my message was delivered while attached to a really heavy and really explosive piece of metal, but it was a personal message all the same. I have a friend who just happens to be somewhere in the middle east and just happens to be in close proximity to a.)chalk and b.)bombs. And I ain't talking Pamela Anderson-Rock bombs either. I'm talking the kind of bombs I would never, ever, want to put in my mouth. Even if they were coated with that sparkly stuff that strippers and college girls put on themselves to make all us guys not only want to look at their chests but also to feeeel their chests too. Wait....what was I talking about? Boobs? No. Osama. Damn. So yeah. My buddy's around all this weaponry and managed to ask me if I had a message for the guy who will be ass-fucked by Hitler (and Bea Arthur) for all of eternity. Clearly I did. So, delivered to Captain Assmaster, courtesy of the United States Military, was my message: "Osama, Go Fuck Yourself. - Charmcity" I thought it was eloquent. And elegant. Obviously, I had him put my name on it rather than my d*land monniker. I mean, I'm sure Osammy is all up in the d*land from whatever cave that fucker lives in now; but i wanted him to know that Ye Ole Testicle-Popping Bomb was from the real me. So: Osammy Blammy, Fuck You. downtown----uptown leave me a note, fool!

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