2002-08-02 10:38 a.m. I suppose I should be excited about the wedding I'm going to this weekend. I suppose I should be happy that one of the Old College Friends (tm) has found her man. I suppose I should feel some overwhelming sense of joy for her and some sense of extreme excitement about the festivities of the weekend. But I don't. I don't know why, but I feel rather, ummmm, unenthused about the whole thing. Don't get me wrong - Love my friend to death and her fiance is a great guy. I'm sure they'll be very happy and make lots of babies and live the dream, 'Merican style. They're great people and I couldn't be happier for them. I just feel like I should be doing cartwheels of glee or something and I'm really just not ready to do that. Picture, if you will, an avalanche. First a solitary trickle of snow meanders down the slope. Then a few more, then some medium sized snow-chunks go rolling down. The from beneath you and all around you comes a great rumble and you're suddenly enveloped in the terrible downrush of snow and debris and when you finally stop you won't know where you are; you'll only know that you've never been there before. That's what this wedding is. It's that first trickle of snow. It's a sign, really. A sign that things are starting to change. They'll change in a really big way and that scares the hell out of me, more than I think I ever admit to myself. What was before was good. What was before was comfortable. But I'm not there anymore. None of us are. We're out here on the slope, knowing that something's headed our way - not knowing exactly what that is. When things finally settle down and we get our bearings, we'll be no worse off than before. Quite honestly, probably better. But for a while anyway, we won't know where we are. Only that we've never been there before. downtown----uptown leave me a note, fool!

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